Tired Witch

I spent a week becoming a Christian, and the results were worrying.

Pretty offensive title huh? Collectively we can all say, that if a serious journalism paper wrote an article about how “disturbing” being a Christian is, there would be riots. People’s religions, spiritual practices, and personal paths are their own. Historically speaking, wars have started, and systematic genocides and murder have come from our disagreements globally about religion. The American president constantly likes to throw around the term, “witch hunts,” but actual murder happened, because of the idea that people practiced paganism. So let’s talk about why I’m fucking mad. I am going to also apologize in advance if any of this sounds crazy, I wanted to write while I was freshly thinking about it, and it has not gotten my usual 3-day waiting period for editing. 

The Independent, (an arguably lower-tier journalism paper, who churns out absolute clickbait 90% of the time) published an article yesterday (January 12, 2020) with an alarming title. I spent a week becoming a witch and the results were worrying. Columnist Ceri Radford, of the Independent, somehow made it passed her editors, to bash an entire religion, and spiritual practice, because she read one self-help book and felt as though it summed up thousands of years, and a great span of cultures. In the online witch community, there is a small subsection of witches, who have watched too much Sabrina the Teenage Witch, or American Horror Story Coven, and think that this is a representation of witchcraft, and even they somehow are less offensive than this article. Probably because they are (usually) teenagers, who don’t mean any harm, and are really trying with limited experience and knowledge. However, in this case, a full-grown adult has decided its perfectly acceptable to insult one of the oldest spiritual practices on the planet, because I guess she felt like her career really needed some attention. Well congrats Ceri, you got it!

The article itself reads like absolute anti-women, terfy, mockery; targeted to hit hot buttons. She clearly wants to piss off the spiritual community, while simultaneously giving the type of person who leaves comments on the Daily Mail, something to laugh about. We all know that kind of person. No one likes them, they don’t even like themselves. The bar for journalism is truly on the fucking floor.

First of all, let’s talk about how astrology and witchcraft are not even remotely cousins. The article quotes other news outlets, suggesting the two are somehow related. And although yes many witches do practice astrology, and vice versa, they are not cousins, unless the witch in question specifically makes it apart of their practice, and some do! That is absolutely and completely valid and wonderful, but the two are not synonymous. One is a spiritual practice and the other is considered a form of science or pseudoscience, observing astrological events and the correspondence it has in human behavior. In fact, there are many and I mean MANY astrologists, that reject witchcraft entirely. The two are not cousins, nor do they go hand in hand necessarily. Although faux witchcraft self-help books have been rapidly on the rise (see Basic Witches), their presence is not a true reflection of the practice or anything regarding it. 

Now the author of this verbal garbage goes on to break down each of her days in “becoming a witch.” So right off the bat, she basically states she thinks is all bullshit, and then proceeds to spend the next 7 days of the week mocking the practice, starting off by talking about goat sacrifices (note she does say that she has no intention of sacrificing a goat) on an altar. She proceeds to make an entire altar, with no direction, or focus. See the backbone of witchcraft in general, is yes using energy to get what we want, but there is typically some form of “prayer.” For example, I myself work with spirits. Other witches worship anything from deities, ancestors, elements, gods, goddesses, the moon, the sun, the fae, etc. An “altar” with no direction, is simply an over-decorated corner of your house. It has no more value, then putting seashells on your toilet, and pretending it’s the beach. 

By Thursday, she was doing her first-ever spell. Again, she has already decided its a joke before beginning. Imagine going to Christian Church, not taking it seriously, not understanding anything about the religion, doing a single prayer, and getting UPSET when your prayer isn’t answered. As someone who isn’t a Christian myself (obviously), I am of course making a huge assumption here. But my limited understanding of the average Christian, I would assume they would be puzzled why you would even begin to think that’s how it works. 

“The answer, of course, is that however benign or even beneficial the rituals, it’s all built on a wobbling base of bats***. No matter how many spells we cast to ask the universe for help, the universe isn’t listening.”

At the end of the day, whatever your spiritual practice is, no one deserves to have their religion, or beliefs so blatantly disrespected in such a public way. If you don’t believe in witchcraft, paganism, heathenism, hoodoo, etc, so be it. That’s fine, you don’t have to. But we are not here to be mocked and ridiculed. Witch-hunts are an actual part of history. The great Stevie Nicks feared for her life when she was thought to be a witch (she is not) just 40 years ago. Although yes, witches are coming out of hiding in recent years, and the public declaration for the practice is on the rise. It is still something that is very seriously looked down upon, feared and considered evil. And some Wonderbread, middle-aged, woman wearing a zebra print Halloween hat, and pretending that because she got a crystal and journaled, only hinders an entire group of people just trying to live their lives. Don’t like witchcraft? Don’t believe it? Don’t practice it then. At the end of the day, we are all figuratively praying to the same thing, have so decency. 

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